Hiatus?
Sunday, May 6, 2007Not really. Just a week's worth of well deserved rest.
If you've seen me lately, I'm haggard and undoubtedly sleepy most of the time. That's because I've been reviewing for the college entrance exams, especially the UPCAT and the ACET. As readers on my blogger know, I'm serious about becoming a doctor in the very near future. Also I have other plans to start life on my own soon, thus the preference for UP Manila's Intarmed program. [Because of ADMU's Health Sciences course, I've taken into consideration applying there also.]
On top of that, I've been crash coursing a year's worth of my school's mathematics curriculum in 30 hours. Calculus anyone?
Why the fuss about leaving home so early?
I guess it's because I am, admittedly, in a hurry to be treated as a grown-up sooner. My mentality around my family seems not to give off this aura of maturity blatantly obvious around most of my peers. Sadly, my personality *coughdisordercough* tendencies to hold my ground on any argument, no matter how absurd seems to get in the way.
Someday I'll continue this post. I'll link it up on my blogger. 
For now, I will sleep estivate.
Buzz me after a week.
The IMDB Quiz Meme
Sunday, April 22, 2007
From Michael:
- Go to IMDB.
- Pick out 10 movies you like(d)
- Pick out 3 plot keywords
- Post them and have your friends guess.
- Homosexual subtext; Dorm life, College
- Heroin, Pulitzer Prize, 1990s
- Psychiatric treatment, Character name in title, Star crossed lovers
- Truth, Japanese literature, Contradictory accounts
- Surrealism, Anthology, Vincent Van Gogh
Based on true story, Intentionally misspelled title, homelessness- German American, Flashback sequence, Translator
Schizophrenia, Psychological Drama, Nobel Prize- Estranged Parent, Therapist, Dysfunctional Family
- Fascism, Megalomania, Manga
To an Ageless Inkwell
Saturday, April 14, 2007As of today, Inkwell, MPPA's literary writing club is on the road to it's revival.
Yes, you read it right. Inkwell is not going to go extinct anytime soon. Because of some inspired and concerned students, a conference was held and hosted discussing what to do with the revival of Inkwell from its inactive state. The end result? Well, things are turning for the better. Not only were we able to reorganize the political structure of the group, but also, plans for the first quarter were made, as well as other productive things. 
I'm glad because I'm not alone in this effort.
Thanks everyone!
「おわり」
Musical Sense in a Non-Lyrical Form
Saturday, April 7, 2007Now I shall rant about the quality of songs / the music industry / how overrated music[ians] have become nowadays. This is the product of the lack of productivity. You are free to spam/flame/et al but you really have to read this first. Are we clear? Good.
~+~+~+~
Lately, I've been taking a daily dose of music videos, modern music and the like and I have to say that I am disappointed at both the musical quality and the lyrical quality of the songs. And when I say I am disappointed, it's an understatement.
Now I didn't primarily target every single artist/band/group who has had a music video/recording contract when I thought of this. However, I'm targeting MOST [and there are still some exceptions, clear?] of these so-called professionals who chose to embark on this career with having at least only one of the following characteristics.
- a singer er, band member with good complexion - I mean hello. He/she is not necessarily aesthetically appealing in almost any other way except for his/her skin. At some point there is a LITTLE bit of musical talent/voice but it's not enough really to guarantee a really successful career. Face it and though I'd hate to say it, in the Philippines, as long as you have good skin you can have the rest of your aesthetically unappealing body fixed up with the money earned. [The imperfections like fat, lack of a noticeable chest, not-so-deep set eyes, the typically normal not-so-sharp Filipino / Asian nose and the sort] And with technology today, on recordings and live concerts, how off-key your singing is can be fixed up so you could fool the rest of the world into thinking that you can really sing! Wow. All because of skin.
- an overly used [gasgas] face / song / advertising machinaria that is, in any very near future a form of career suicide. For those who need further explanations, this means that at the event in which the people would get tired of that musician / group the musical career would take a nosedive and in the eventuality that there would be no more of a hit / chart topper / ear deafening overly used chant, an instant career death.
- A relative in the music/television/movie industry / politics. Yes, non-Filipino readers, you read it right, even politics. Amazing because in our culture, the right kind of connections can get a person practically anywhere. And albeit the lack of talent, well, read [1]. Of course, money works so…
- a song which talks about love which in turn gets played every half hour on the radio. Despite the lack of poetic value in the song or correct grammar, the work of musical art gets credit undeserved because of [1] and/or [2] and/or [3]. Although it is a fact that songs of love are songs a lot of people can relate to, that doesn't necessarily mean that all songs on the album should pertain as to "why we broke up", "why you left me for that other way better-off person", "why love sucks", "why I should never see you again", "why I can't move on without you", "why life doesn't make sense without you" et al. [Yes, there are such albums and that leaves me in utter amazement as to how they scored a record deal!!!]
Of course there are more and I have no intentions of putting them all here. I just stated the blatantly obvious and to probably piss you off.
Anyway, the purpose of the music industry is not to flaunt off familial connections or skin or socio-political puppets or the sickeningly tiring subject of unrequited love. The music industry is supposed to make money for itself by means of using professionals,
- gifted lyrically. Rico Blanco for one. As the current lead singer of Rivermaya, he's been writing the lyrics of most of the songs of the band for as long as I can recall. [Unless of course, you'd consider the song Inosente Lang ang Nagtataka which turned out to be an ear-sore] This sort of talent is something good skin, advertisements, socio-familial-political relations cannot buy. Even if many songs are about the universal topic of love, there should be at least a paradigm shift every once in a while.
- gifted musically. Lea Salonga is hands down, really musically talented. Just listen, dammit! She doesn't have to express emotion and the music of the work in ear-splitting high notes on every single song she sings. Neither does she prolong her notes to the end of every line just to say that her lungs have the capacity to give her a musical career break. Need I say more? Or Bamboo. Typical Rock band but there is musical variety as well as lyrical subjects which aren't so tiring to hear about…
- Have some aesthetic value / talent which can attract audiences. [I'm also referring to dancing here, okay?]
…Without having the need to fall under the categories of [1] and/or [2] and/or [3].
I guess if I really want to listen to good music nowadays, I have to shift genres. Bossa Nova's good nowadays and there are more options, locally and internationally. *Oooh! Sitti!* Perhaps I'll have to shut off the TV and the Radio and get more lyrically sensible songs online as well.
Post Script: In the end, the thesis of this post isn't that ALL musicians nowadays have no talent whatsoever. There are many other talented musicians worth the attention, but they are just unfortunately crowded over my mediocre, *need I say it* try hard, barely skilled people who just know a few tricks on an instrument / with their voice. Sad to say this is the reality of music today and I am pointing this on both the local scene and on the international scene as well.
「おわり」
What Your Name Means
Wednesday, April 4, 2007I was curious but it's so true. For some reason, it's accurate.
Try it at this site!
~+~+~+~
You entered: Paula Katarina Samaniego Tayo
There are 26 letters in your name.
Those 26 letters total to 100
There are 14 vowels and 12 consonants in your name.
What "Paula" means:
Swedish
Female
Little.
Latin
Female
Feminine form of Paul: Little; small.
What "Katarina" means:
| Swedish | Female | Swedish form of Katherine: pure. |
| Slavic | Female | Pure. |
| Russian | Female | Pure. |
| Polish | Female | Variant of Katherine. Pure. |
| Maori | Female | Maori form of Catherine. |
| Hungarian | Female | Variant of Katherine. Pure. |
| Greek | Female | Pure. |
Your number is: 1
The characteristics of #1 are: Initiating action, pioneering, leading, independent, attaining, individual.
The expression or destiny for #1:
A number 1 Expression denotes the skilled executive with keen administrative capabilities. You must develop the capacity to be a fine leader, sales executive, or promoter. You have the tools to become an original person with a creative approach to problem solving, and a penchant for initiating action. Someone may have to follow behind you to handle the details, but you know how to get things going and make things happen. You have a good mind and the ability to use it for your advancement. Because of these factors, you have much potential for achievement and financial rewards. Frequently, this expression belongs to one running a business or striving to achieve a level of accomplishment on ones talents and efforts. You have little need for much supervision, preferring to act on your own with little restraint. You are both ambitious and determined. Self-confident and self-reliant must be yours, as you develop a strong unyielding will and the courage of your convictions.
Although you fear loneliness, you want to be left alone. You fear routine and being in a rut. You often jump the gun because you are afraid of being left behind.
The negative attributes of the 1 Expression are egotism and a self-centered approach to life. This is an aggressive number and if it is over-emphasized it is very hard to live with. You do not have to be overly aggressive to fulfill your destiny. The 1 has a natural instinct to dominate and to be the boss; adhering to the concept of being number One. Again, you do not have to dominate and destroy in order to lead and manage.
Your Soul Urge number is: 1
A Soul Urge number of 1 means:
Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.
The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.
The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.
Your Inner Dream number is: 9
An Inner Dream number of 9 means:
You dream of being creative, intellectual, and universal; the selfless humanitarian. You understand the needy and what to help them. You would love to be a person people count on for support and advice.
Want to learn about your birthday? Click here!
Printer Friendly Version of your report (popup window; scripting enabled required)Some information © Michael McClain 1996-2005. Used by Permission
I know this is abysmally ridiculous but I’m curious!
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Create your own Friend Test here
Taken from Michael
「おわり」
Remembering 7th Grade
Saturday, March 31, 2007This is what blog hopping does. Kids, do not try this to test your sanity *cough* or what's left of it.
This part will be short and simple as these sentiments do not deserve the spotlight of the Internet.
And That Adds Up to?
Monday, March 19, 2007It's finally vacation time. Classes at MPPA start at June 3. I have 79 days of vacation! Yay! o_(^^,)
Wait. It started pa last March 15 but I have clearance to fix. So scratch the remainder of March, a total of 16 days off.
The whole month of April is devoted to my summer job. Scratch 30 days off the vacation.
A week of May will be devoted to applications to Universities, both in the Philippines and abroad. Remove 7 days
A week of the same month will be used to fix MPPA paperwork and to settle-in the dorm, for the last time. Scratch off 7 more days
And take a total of 7 emergency days to return to Bataan.
How many days left of vacation do I have left?
79 - 67
equals how many days left?
12 days of sleep, rest, and being a kid for the last time.
Well, that doesn't mean I can't have fun in those 67 days of hard work.
I Hope She Got the Message Loud and Clear
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Erratum: I'm posting this online, not because I want to hurt or humiliate you, but because I care enough to tell you off. To whoever this is really intended for, please don't take this in any offensive way because I voice this out, not to you but to everyone reading this. Besides, the approach of this message would make more sense for public viewing.
~+~+~+~
I don't recall if I did a post like this before, but here goes. Short and simple:
A Meme, so I Tag You!
@Twistedkai: thanks heehee!
She tagged me so…
The rules are simple:
1. Choose five blogs randomly from your blogroll.
2. For each blog, choose at least one entry (you could add more) which is your favorite post by this blogger.
3. Include a link to this post and explain why you like it.
4. The chosen five bloggers are considered tagged and they will also have to do the same in their blogs.
- Cookie 's posts are really great! Well, what can you expect from someone who won Reader's Digest 2007 writing contest [Topic: Best Friend]? Here's a random sample post.
- If you want something straight to the point which screams out not bitchy but "So damn, friggin' true!" well, here's Inkblotter with "Top 10 Ways Parents Lose All Respect"
- "I am complicated person. Yet, I believe I am fairly simple one way or another." Hm… Another nominee to the 2007 Philippine Blog Awards, Khalel's entries are perhaps too true to be real. Like for example…
- Well, this blog goes around but this post is a good slap on the face for every incoming junior.
- This blog may be hard to load for viewing but it's so worth the wait. Talksmart really does talk smart and truly can talk about anything from technology to adult articles to education to anything under the sun!
「おわり」
Part 1: Lessons Never Put Down in a High School Curriculum
Saturday, March 17, 2007When you're not satisfied with what you have, what do you do?
Do you yearn for more?
Do you tend to drown yourself in the excessive quantities of whatever used to satisfy you?
Or would you empty all that load you're carrying to find what you're missing?
For three years, I tried answering my own question with the first two ways. Yet the more I desired, the more empty I felt. Seemingly though, it was like fire, never ceasing, despite the voluminous quantities of water to quench it. In the end I was left with letting go, devoid of what attachments and sentiments I had for what I considered valuable. And what pushed me on was the fact that what I once held on to was letting go of me for ephemeral affections.
And then, there I was. A wreck, perhaps more than ever.
~+~+~+~
When things get really tough, all sorts of twisted solutions come up. From mutilation, to murder, to arson, suicide, these were among the most final and the most twisted solutions formed from smoke and mirrors. Because of these distortions seen, a distortion of the self is also reflected… Something I made the probable mistake of doing.
Testing how hot the flames are can be done in the most simplistic of ways. Or you can go to something a bit more complicated by getting a piece of metal, whose melting point is determined. If the metal melts, then the flame's something to stay away from. Or something like that.
But of course, there's the far more stupid way of testing the flames. You poke your finger through the fire and see if you burn your finger. If you do, well don't poke your finger again because you're supposed to have learned your lesson. And this is how I chose to learn from some of the biggest mistakes; I put myself in such a situation that I couldn't escape from my own folly, yet I had to learn and go on with life.
So here's the first of many things I spent my third year on doing.
Is It Done?
Exams are done and Intrams are done too.
But why do I feel empty and unfulfilled?
TBC tomorrow
I Know the Grammar is Bad and the Idea Seems Over-Used.
Sunday, March 11, 2007This would be my monologue / long exam in filipino.
Please comment because i don't know if I'll pass. Forgive the bad usage of language and conyo-cism
Family is Not Just a Six-Lettered Word
Saturday, March 10, 2007Currently feeling: an undoubtedly bad feeling in my gut
Currently listening to: Alay by Imago
Currently reading: some nominated personal blogs to the PBA
Going back home to Bataan is something I hardly look forward to. Growing up in the city made me accustomed to the comforts of technology and the instant lifestyle, but of course so was the isolation and the loneliness in the package of City Life.
Obviously, returning to see familiar faces and the feeling of home is something I don't value as much as other people do. For as long as I can remember, I've never thought twice of elevating the value of family despite culture and social standards. It may be pride and my lack of gratitude for everything they have done for me, as well as the sacrifices for my personal whims. It may be the fact that I have detached myself that I don't want to open up wounds I myself have created. It may be still the indifference and the apathy towards human relations and my fears of excessive attachments, but who knows?
Anyway, for one reason or another, my perspective on returning to Bataan to visit my relatives has changed. Is this a consequence of a four year war against my own self? Is it simply because I've seen the benefits of good relationships with relatives? Or is it simply because the End approaches, not me but someone I have great respect for?
Maybe it was the sense of security and the feeling of acceptance, something ever so basic which tore down my facade and my defenses. As far as I know, no one knew my screw-ups and the errors I have made. No one knew my regrets and what pains I felt towards my internal and external conflicts.
I never told anyone to begin with. Despite what was happening right now in my grandfather's household, I see my mistakes about how I spent more than half my life assessing and viewing this home.
Somehow, I see that even if I don't succeed in the way that I want to succeed, they won't send me away. Even if I am more often than not, the black cat they won't leave me to wallow in the guilt of my actions or to suffer it all alone.
Perhaps that is the difference of home and the rest of the world. Home is supposed to work in such a way that even if it's dysfunctional and imperfect and perhaps, rigid, it's supposed to be strong enough and solid enough to catch you as you fall, to support you despite every flaw present and every failure.
Comfort and ease brought about by the ephemeral milestones in human history may serve well in the short-term aspects but home is something eternal and perhaps far more transcendent than anything else.
I just hope that it's not too late.
~+~+~+~
I know that as I sit in front of this computer typing away my thoughts of today, my value for my own family would still take more than a while to change. Perhaps, as I take the dark road to the future I see as appropriate for me, I would suffer not only losses but the consequences of my hardhearted-ness, ingratitude and lack of respect.
Eventually, this is what specter shall haunt me. This is the cross I shall carry. This is to be the mistake I may never learn from.
「おわり」
Presenting.. The Philippine Blog Awards 2007 Nominees
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
The site says:
Are you a Filipino with a blog worth noticing? Think you got what it takes to be called one of the Philippines' best bloggers? "
Well, My blogger blog got nominated.. Thanks to whoever. What I'm sure of is that I'm responsible for two nominations…
And in the Beginning… the Not So Beginning
Before I continue with this ranting let me introduce myself.
My name is Paula and I am a half Filipino, quarter Spanish, quarter Japanese. I admit that I have difficulty understanding the Filipino language but I think comprehension will have to compensate. As of this segment, I lack the demure characterisics expected of a Filipino lady and the humility expected of a girl. I can be bitchy especially towards the subject of boys which I will tackle on some time before April of this year.
As of now, I am a current Junior / incoming Senior at one of the most controversial schools in the Philippines. I don't study as often as I want to [like now when we have our finals in Chemistry and English tomorrow morning] but I am enrolled to a special course of Life's Lessons.
Let's just say I took the road less traveled at the cost of both my sanity and conformism.
Oh, did I mention that I have these tendencies to terrible mood swings?
But anyway, perhaps there's more for myself to realize.
Life goes on.
~+~+~+~
「おわり」
Consistence in Inconsistence in Consistence
Monday, March 5, 2007It took more than three years to temporarily understand the loneliness, the pain and the emptiness that was once eating away the defunct soul that is mine. As of this moment in time, a turbulently peaceful moment where the doubt and the anger seem to have subsided I feel this calmness in my own solitude… As if none of the idiosyncrasies of my actions and the instability of my emotions were never there to begin with.
But I know it will never be like this with everyone else. At some degree, I know that I cannot be forgiven for the hurt I have caused nor for my painful ways of exposing the truth which couldn't be accepted. Those who may forgive me will may not take me back with open arms anymore.
There will be those who will not see that my storm is over. There will be those who will have only started with their journey against the crashing tides and the stormy weather at a point in their lives when everything begins to hang onto perilous threads. The rest may never even go through the storms or against the odds at all.
Now, I stand both as the wreck and the victor.
Of course, it's never gonna be perfect.
Whoever said that at the end of a soul search life was gonna be normal again?
Somehow, I will have to leave, once again in the future, broken, even more wounded perhaps, and yet supposedly stronger. But the apprehension caused by my unwillingness to take a gamble and by the possibilities of losing in that gamble seems to serve as a reminder that the adversity I have and will have to face will simply undermine my morale and my character as well.
To hell with this. I'm just playing chess with my own mind!
Damn psycho movies and novels.
~+~+~+~
「おわり」
Pre-Prom Rants
Saturday, February 10, 2007Feeling better, Paula?
As of this week, this is the most commonly asked question for me.
~+~+~+~
Before I delve into the details, which I won't, here's the pre-prom rant
Hm, since it's one week before the prom, I will have to say that I have no intentions of looking forward to it. It's just after all, a formal dinner and dance. Nothing more. So why put so much emphasis on it? Well, for one, the media, movies, magazines, books and et al contain such details on the importance of prom on a person's life. How it's gonna be the most important event of a teenager's life. How it marks an important step in growing up. How important it is as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. How having a date and all that overrated shizzle makes everything perfect. How that night is going to change everything. But it's just a modern ritual of maturity! A rite of passage we created as a social constuct, a demarcation line between an immature and spoilt adolescent and a more responsible [yet probably still spoilt] young adult! Maybe I just feel bitter about what happened last YMSAT. I mean it was my mistake for asking out Kuya Ivan, one of the most intellectually gifted beings studying at MPPA, on hopes of something else I can't seem to type out or muster to see onscreen. Retrospecting, I just wanted company who wouldn't forget that I was there or at least someone I could talk to without the inhibitions brought about by that awkwardness of argumentative rifts [example, the me vs the rest of my classmates rift that still exists because of differences between the two factions]. In another light I just wanted to go out with him for my own selfish reasons, forgetting to consider Kuya's feelings. Seriously speaking, that doesn't change my judgement about the prom positively or negatively. Back to subject. It won't change anything. Prom is just a party. People will simply pretend to have grown up physically and to appear perfect. But deep down, we're still human. As corrupted and as wrecked as we once were before the prom, so will we be during the prom and even after. All the diet to eradicate that fat and the make-overs won't change how shallow we are and how terrible we can be against other people. The hopes of other people for that one perfect night of hopes and dreams will be shattered as reality takes its place the morn after [or even on that night]. Others will never come to realize the emptiness and the frivolity of the emphasis of prom, in hopes of a reality never to come to pass. Come the week after the prom, all the emotional highs and the sweet moments will be forgotten. The make-up will be washed off; the dress will be just hung again and kept in the cabinet. The masquerade that is prom, will be over. And all that will remain will be a memory embodied in a photograph. So why devote a year of one's life preparing for the prom? Why starve one's self to fit that dress? Why attempt at flirting with that person who'll probably never go out with you? Who you probably won't stand to see after a year or more? Why spend sleepless nights worrying about just one night? Why complain about how unflattering that dress you so willingly spent for is? Just try having fun for a change. It doesn't matter really whether you'll go out with your dream date or if he/she will ever ask you to dance. Even if you look fat in that dress or if you look overworked from the academic load, as long as you choose to be happy on that night of a rite of passage, it's okay. Honestly, the prom doesn't really matter. It's just one night. ~+~+~+~ Life goes on. 「おわり」
